Here is a summary of some of the key things we discussed at the Breathing Space that took place on 17th April 2018.
A reminder to everyone that everything that was discussed was confidential, so I'm not mentioning any names or going into much detail.
For those who have not been before, be aware that no-one was forced to say or share anything they didn't want to.
This month's theme was around Feeling Safe.
With our Enjoyment Turtle perched on his own chair in full view of the group, the context was introduced around feeling safe financially. It was, however, acknowledged that it can also apply to physical health, mental health, emotional health and so on.
For context we heard quotes from people who had been through an insolvency and genuinely lost everything
We heard stories of people who were driven to provide for their family - to the point of mania - yet when they looked at the bigger picture, they actually had enough already and were able to relax.
Finally, we heard about people who had no financial issues, but were still driven to get more, often due to a fear of losing everything.
We heard about the five fear factors that underpin all of our darkest concerns.
- Isolation (being alone in and of itself)
- Separation (losing someone or something of importance)
- Ego Death (pride, shame, embarrassment etc)
If you know the Enjoyment model, see how they fit in with the Turtle, the Penguin and the Lion.
Fear is the most powerful motivator but can be quite short term. When we continue to live in a world of fear, that causes us anxiety and illness.
Hope is much more of a long term motivator but, of itself, can be quite weak.
Therefore, we need to have both, but find a balance where the fear drives, but doesn't overwhelm.
Facing your fears (and surviving) can create a positive high, such as when we go on a roller coaster or bungee jumping.
This is harder to do with more intangible risks, but still possible.
Shame, embarrassment, pride and so on are only give weighting within our own heads. They don't have any real substance. Being open and honest about such thing is therefore a scary thing but, like the bungee jump, has the same positive outcome.
A recent television programme was cited where Rhod Gilbert, the comedian, revealed that he suffered from chronic shyness. He worked with three members of the public who also suffered from chronic shyness, and helped them to perform a stand up gig in front of friends and family.
The result was hugely positive, because they stood up to their fears and survived.
There was also discussion as to how many of our behaviours and fears come from our parents.
It means that we tend to end up being a certain way (“hey, that's just who I am), which nearly always requires us to repress a certain element of our nature.
For example, the prudent person represses their desire to seek thrills.
When these things get repressed with no outlet, then it builds up like a pressure cooker and can let itself out in a dangerous way.
This often leads to addictions or shameful habits which appear to completely contradict the nature of the individual.
Each person had their own share of insights and learnings from the session but, if there were any overall conclusions, then they were these:
Tackling fears and releasing repressed issues should both be done in a similar way. With control.
Take small steps and take them regularly.
Talking to others and being open and honest is the best way to remove a huge amount of fear and anxiety.
The theme of the next Breathing Space will be on Self Esteem and Inner Confidence and will be held on 22nd May at midday at:
The Prince William Stonehouse
Essentially, J31 off the M62. Drive past the Haribo factory and it’s the next right. Plenty of parking, private room - and it’s a pub, so food and drink available to purchase at the bar at your leisure.
If you want to book onto the event then follow this link:
Alternatively, if you know you want to attend regularly, set up a direct debit by following this link:
and you only pay £10 a month.
That's it for now. See you at the next event.